Sometimes I feel like I might miss Kyle more than he misses me because he puts up a front when it comes to being gone. When I asked him "Will you be ok not seeing me for almost a year?" he replied "Yes, I'll be fine. It'll be hard but I'll be fine". I'm not going to lie, it crushed me a little to hear how easy it sounded to be away from me. We got into a fight about two weeks ago because I told him that I feel like he isn't as much of a "mush" anymore these past few months and that he's slowly been drifting away. I know I was being selfish because it's much easier for him to leave and go off to war without thinking about how much he's going to miss me. It's easier for him to put up a front and be the tough guy because it'll help him in the end. I know he'll miss me... even if he doesn't tell me everyday.
Last night something happened that really opened up my eyes. Kyle called before he went to bed at about 11:15pm which we do every night. We talked until about 11:45pm and then we both got off the phone and got ready for bed. At 12:20am Kyle called me again and I automatically went into panic mode thinking something happened. I asked him what's wrong and he just told me that he couldn't sleep. I could hear it in his voice that something wasn't right. I asked him why he sounded so sad and he told me that he just really misses me and wants to be with me. He wanted to stay on the phone until he fell asleep because talking to me brings comfort to him. I almost broke down into tears because I was so touched by this. I know it's not a big deal but it meant a lot for him to open up like that and tell me how much it hurts him to be away from me. It made me realize that I'm not alone in this and that he misses me just as much. I can't give in and break down because I miss him because he's staying strong while going through the same thing... it's even worse for him because of the situation he's in. I feel like each and everyday that passes of this deployment it gets easier and our love grows even more.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
You're Not Alone
Posted by Infantry Girlfriend at 3:48 PM
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2 comments:
That is soo adorable! You guys are too cute!! :D
I'm glad that you realized that he really does miss you, but as to your first paragraph - Dustin was the SAME way. Every guy/girlfriend I've talked to has said the same story. There's two ways to deal with leaving for a deployment - cling to the people you love, then be dragged away kicking and screaming, or slowly come to grips with the fact, prepare yourself and leave like a man with your head held high. I'm sure there are some who act like the former, but come on - it's Kyle & Dustin. Of COURSE they're going to act like the latter.
The time before Dustin left was almost as hard as him being gone because I felt this same way...like he wanted to distance himself from me and that hurt SO bad. UNTIL I realized why he was doing it and that I was actually doing it myself a little as well. It'll be the same way you act over midtour b/c it's 2 weeks so it's not a quick, ecstatic visit and a sad parting but enough time to start getting back to everyday life and then have him ripped away again. You guys might feel estranged or distanced from each other for most of it. But it's normal.
Everything you're feeling is normal! Sometimes I think you forget that - it's not just you, or just him. You love him, he loves you. You guys WILL make it through this and these scary "warning signs" you're seeing and feeling bad about aren't anything at all, so don't be afraid. Trust in your relationship, like I've told you before. :)
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