Roller Coaster of Emotions

Lately I haven't allowed myself to cry over Kyle being gone. I worry that if I do break it's going to cause a downward spiral that will take a week to recover from. I'm saving the tears for when I go back to school. This deployment is going to test my emotions the most once I get back to school. Usually when I go back to school I'm either in the car with Kyle or he meets me at my school once we're all unpack. For the first time I'm not going to get either of those choices. My parents will drop me off and I will be left there without looking forward to seeing the man I love. I remember freshman year, before I met Kyle, I was miserable, I cried almost every night because I missed my family and had nothing to like about school. Once I met Kyle everything changed, he made it worth staying. Now that he's gone I know I'm not going to want to stay at school, I'm going to want to quit everything and run home. Unfortunately I don't have that option, I have to suck it up and deal with the semester alone. I plan to focus more on my classes, workout ALOT, and get a job during the weekends to fill the void of not being with Kyle. It's going to be hard not spending every weekend with him, not calling him when I'm having a bad day and have him come over to cheer me up, and to not go to Norwich anymore where I feel at home. I'm petrified to go back to school and face everything on my own without his support to keep me going. This deployment is going to test me and our relationship in so many different ways. I can only imagine the roller coaster of emotions that I'll be riding for the next year.