Left My Heart in Vermont

So today my family and I left our Vermont house to go back home to New Jersey. This may sound really weird but I was so upset to leave Vermont. I spent my last week with Kyle in Vermont at that house so there's a lot of things that remind me of him there. His jeep is even parked in our garage. Every time I see that jeep I get excited because it means that Kyle is around. He even left me his favorite sweatshirt that he wears as his jacket... I will not wash it until he comes home so I can still smell him.

I got really emotional on the car ride home but hid my tears from my parents. I didn't want to explain to them why I'm crying because they expect me to get over Kyle leaving very fast. That I should be able to go on with my daily life and not let it affect me at all. I have to hide how I'm really feeling because I know that if they see me upset they will dislike Kyle being in the Army even more.

I hide my feelings from almost everyone because I can't bare to talk about it because no one understands. None of my friends know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone in the military and how loving someone can be so painful at times. How it feels to have to say goodbye to the person you love more than anything and not know when you'll be seeing them again and whether they will be safe. It's the fear of the unknown that makes things so much worse.

Luckily I do have a few military girlfriends that I've met via the internet and some from Kyle's unit that I am able to talk to. It is the biggest relief in the world to be able to relate to someone and have them know exactly what it's like. I can vent to them about how I am feeling and they are able to give me advice that really does help. Talking to someone who is going through or went through what I'm currently dealing with makes things so much easier. I couldn't tell those ladies enough how much I appreciate them for supporting me and helping me through this. I feel much less alone when I have them to talk to.