The Day Has Come!!!

I cannot believe the day is here... I get to be with my soldier again!! It has been quite a journey with canceled flights, a 5 hour bus ride, and camping out in the airport since midnight but every second is worth it. I am extremely determined to see my man... I will do whatever it takes. I have been counting down the days for which seems like forever... it all feels so surreal right now. I could cry at any second because I'm so unbelievably happy that I get to be in his arms again. Life is amazing right now and nothing can bring me down! :)

Appreciation

I wish some people could put themselves in my shoes for one day. To know what it feels like to go months without seeing their loved one. To not be able to kiss them or just touch them. To worry that you're going to forget what they look like because you haven't seen their face for months. It makes me so angry to see people be so ungrateful of their relationship and take advantage of it. They have no idea how lucky they really are and they never will realize it. I believe that this deployment really has made me appreciate our relationship so much more. The fact that we can keep it going for a year without physical contact... that takes strength. I know that if our relationship makes it through this, we can make it through anything. I honestly feel lucky to be put into this situation because it has allowed us to get to know each other from the inside out. There's nothing to hide... all our emotions are laid out there in front of us. I may feel vulnerable at times but I wouldn't change it for the world. The moment Kyle walked onto that plane I knew our relationship just went to a whole nother level. To make a commitment to wait a year for him to come home and give him support and strength to keep him going... that's love right there.

9 Days Left

I've been slacking in the whole "writing in my blog" aspect of my life. Things have been a little hectic around here. Wednesday night I got a severe stomach virus and had to skip classes and an exam Thursday. I spent most of Thursday at the walk-in center at the hospital... not what I consider as fun that's for sure. By Friday I seemed to have recovered pretty well. Spent Friday night with some friends and then took the train Saturday morning to my Vermont house to meet up with the family. I was not going to spend Valentine's day alone or let it screw with my head and get me upset. It was really nice to see the family and spend time with them.

While helping my Dad move Christmas stuff into the attic of our outside garage/shed I broke down some. I know you must be thinking.... um christmas stuff made you cry? Well Kyle's Jeep is parked in that garage so when I saw it my heart raced some because usually when I see it, it means Kyle is here. I just stood next to it and stared inside the window and just cried. It's really hard to look at it and not have Kyle there next to me.

Sunday my little sister, her friend, and I went to go see the Valentine's day movie. I thought it was really cute and left me a little teary eyed. I was determined to not let Valentine's day make me sad but that movie ruined that determination. I allowed it to screw with my head which caused Kyle and I to get into a stupid fight because I was being needy. We worked through it and by the end of the night everything was fine. I hate when I do that... I'm definitely getting better but I guess sometimes I have my moments.

Just yesterday me and the other 3 girls signed the lease for the house were renting next year. I am so excited to live off campus with these girls next year! I really think that we're gonna get along so well and have so much fun living together.

As for Kyle... he's been extremely busy with training since they head overseas really soon. I still get my nightly phone call... sometimes at 1am but I don't mind. I'm just happy to hear his voice... it really does make everything better. I leave in 9 days to go visit him, it's all I think about 24/7. I can't even put into words how excited I am. It's going to be the most amazing three days ever :)

BTW once in awhile I hear from my friends that they think I'm always sad because of my blog or my facebook statuses. I just want to set things straight... I'm really not THAT sad. Yes I miss Kyle and I talk about how much I miss him and how I cry about missing him but that doesn't mean it's a constant 24/7 thing. I'm not happy that he's gone but I go on with my life and am getting through it just fine. I don't sit around and just wait for him to come home. If anything I feel like I've become so much stronger because of this. I'm sick of this whole "pity party" and sympathy crap... I couldn't be more proud of Kyle and happy that he gets to do what he loves. If anything, the Army has turned him into the man I love today and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Acceptance

I have still yet to accept that my Grandmother is gone. I haven't even accepted that my Grandpa has passed away and that was more than 2 years ago. I was just so close to both of them... their love for their grandchildren didn't have any limits, they really did love us unconditionally.

Every time I think about my Grandpa I just keep thinking about how badly I wish Kyle could have met him. They both would have gotten along so well and he would have been so happy and proud of me. He wanted nothing more than to see me be happy. I see a lot of my Grandpa in Kyle... I know it may sound weird but he reminds me a lot of him. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I feel so comfortable around him.

As for my Grandmother... there were so many things I still wanted to talk to her about. She understood what I was going through with Kyle's deployment and gave me some of the best advice I have ever heard. She knew how much I really do love Kyle and how amazing of a guy he is. I have a lot of pent up anger inside of me because I never got a chance to say goodbye to her. Everyone got to visit her in the hospital after her surgery while I was stuck at school. If I knew this was going to happen I would have been home in a heartbeat. I know I can't be angry at myself but I feel like I deserved that last goodbye. That women was a true inspiration to all of us... I'm going to miss her more than I can ever describe. I've never accept that either of them are gone... but I know they're looking over all of us and smiling down at us. Love you Grammy and Grampy

Much Needed

It's been a few days since I've posted so I have a few things to talk about. First thing let's talk about my exam Thursday. For some reason Wednesday night I hit my breaking point and basically cried about everything going wrong in my life. I was just so overwhelmed with my Grandmom passing away (still hasn't actually sunk in), missing two days of classes and catching up in work, having to study for my huge exam, and then of course Kyle being gone. To top it off Kyle left to go to another state for more training which means no more texts during the days, no nightly webcam chats, and only a 10 minute phone call at night (which is better than nothing I guess). I was able to call him though since they were on a bus for 20 hours... I felt so bad crying to him. I hate making him feel even worse than he already does but he's really the only person I would want to go to when I'm upset. He's my support system here at school and now I really don't have anyone.

Friday night I saw Dear John. It wasn't what I expected... I only cried once! They changed a lot of little details from the book which definitely bothered me. All in all it was definitely a good movie. I think a lot of people were disappointed in the ending but I already knew what was going to happen. It kinda annoys me how many girls want to see the movie yet I'm sure a lot of them don't even support the war. At least now they can see that this isn't a fairytale relationship and it most definitely is not easy. It did make me feel really lucky to be in love with my soldier. First thing I did when I got out of the theater was call Kyle and tell him how much I missed him. That movie definitely made me miss him even more.

I spent the rest of the weekend just catching up on homework. I had a lot of reading and notes to go through. I did end up meeting a girl who's boyfriend is currently in Iraq. She's a friend of my roommate. We got coffee Sunday and just talked all about our soldiers... it was so nice to finally meet someone here at school that can relate with me. I have a lot of military ladies that I text or call but it just isn't the same. I feel really relieved that I can talk to her and she can relate.

I haven't heard from Kyle much since they moved fobs and went to a different state. They have been training a lot lately and are getting things ready to head overseas. I can't say when they'll leave but the date is definitely getting sooner and sooner as the days go by. I'm a little upset today because of a few things and all I really want to do is talk to Kyle and I can't. I really miss being able to call him whenever I want and having him come visit me for the night to cheer me up. I really would do anything to just see him in person and just hug and kiss him... even if it lasted for 5 minutes. I miss him more and more as the days go by :(

Finally some good news!!

I have finally gotten the good news that I have been asking for! Kyle and the other boys have been given a three day pass for family to come visit them before they head overseas. It was just a rumor at first but things have been made official. I can't even put into words how excited I am to see him. I really need this right now with everything that's going on in my life. I have my flights booked and the hotel room reserved to go see him! I think that not only do I need this right now but so does Kyle and all the other guys. This has already given them such a morale boost and they can't wait to get this month over with so we can go visit them. I feel so lucky to be given this opportunity because I know most deployed soldiers don't get this. I remember Kyle telling me how I can take this deployment in stages, where I'd see him in 3 months, then 6, etc. I had high hopes that it was going to be that case but it seemed like the next time I'd see him would be at least 6 months later when he comes home for R&R. I guess I just need to be more hopeful that things aren't always going to go bad for me and that the world isn't out to get me. My countdown has begun and nothing can take away this feeling of happiness. I cannot wait to see him and just jump into his arms and kiss him. That's all I can think about... the moment I see him again and how amazing every second of it will be.