Life Is Good

It's been awhile since I've written a blog. Life has been pretty crazy lately but things are really good right now. Kyle is officially overseas so at first that was really hard to deal with and I shut myself off from others. He was able to buy a cell phone over there and he has been able to call me everyday now. He's been really busy with work over there but still has been able to call me before he goes to bed. I am so thankful of the technology that they have over there for them. Just hearing his voice brings so much ease to me and really makes my day so much better. At this point, I'm really happy during this deployment right now. This deployment has only impacted our relationship in a positive way. We are more in love than ever and couldn't be more excited for him to come home and start our life together.

Today I went to a yellow ribbon event for families and spouses of soldiers from Kyle's unit. It was to help with stress management and just to get to talk with others who are going through the same situation as us. It was really nice to hang around other military wives/girlfriends and just be able to talk about our emotions and issues with the deployment. It brought a lot of comfort to me to be around them and have them relate with me and support me. I'm really glad I went to the event and really hope I can get involved in FRG meetings and keep in contact with all of them. It's nice to have a little support group since I really don't have that here at school.

I miss him so much.

Everlasting Memories

I haven't written a post since I left to go see Kyle. It's still hard for me to talk about my visit to see him without getting upset. Everything about those 4 days together was so perfect. It really couldn't have been any better, I had such an amazing time with him. I just remember standing at the hotel doors waiting for his car to arrive and watching him run across the parking lot and into my arms. Once I was in his arms I just cried for 5 minutes straight... they were happy tears though!! It was so nice to have alone time and just lie in bed and cuddle. To just be able to kiss him and hug him... it was everything I could have asked for and more. I will remember these 4 days for the rest of my life.

Saying goodbye again was a lot harder this time around. I was fine until they announced that they would start boarding the flight... that's when I lost it. I just cried in his arms and kept holding his face in my hands and kissing him. I just couldn't bare to walk away from him again. After getting onto the plane I cried for a really long time... everyone around me thought I was nuts. Then the guy sitting behind me tapped my shoulder and asked if that was my boyfriend and told me that it broke his heart to see us say goodbye. I still get choked up talking about us saying goodbye... it's burnt a permanent image in my mind.

The Day Has Come!!!

I cannot believe the day is here... I get to be with my soldier again!! It has been quite a journey with canceled flights, a 5 hour bus ride, and camping out in the airport since midnight but every second is worth it. I am extremely determined to see my man... I will do whatever it takes. I have been counting down the days for which seems like forever... it all feels so surreal right now. I could cry at any second because I'm so unbelievably happy that I get to be in his arms again. Life is amazing right now and nothing can bring me down! :)

Appreciation

I wish some people could put themselves in my shoes for one day. To know what it feels like to go months without seeing their loved one. To not be able to kiss them or just touch them. To worry that you're going to forget what they look like because you haven't seen their face for months. It makes me so angry to see people be so ungrateful of their relationship and take advantage of it. They have no idea how lucky they really are and they never will realize it. I believe that this deployment really has made me appreciate our relationship so much more. The fact that we can keep it going for a year without physical contact... that takes strength. I know that if our relationship makes it through this, we can make it through anything. I honestly feel lucky to be put into this situation because it has allowed us to get to know each other from the inside out. There's nothing to hide... all our emotions are laid out there in front of us. I may feel vulnerable at times but I wouldn't change it for the world. The moment Kyle walked onto that plane I knew our relationship just went to a whole nother level. To make a commitment to wait a year for him to come home and give him support and strength to keep him going... that's love right there.

9 Days Left

I've been slacking in the whole "writing in my blog" aspect of my life. Things have been a little hectic around here. Wednesday night I got a severe stomach virus and had to skip classes and an exam Thursday. I spent most of Thursday at the walk-in center at the hospital... not what I consider as fun that's for sure. By Friday I seemed to have recovered pretty well. Spent Friday night with some friends and then took the train Saturday morning to my Vermont house to meet up with the family. I was not going to spend Valentine's day alone or let it screw with my head and get me upset. It was really nice to see the family and spend time with them.

While helping my Dad move Christmas stuff into the attic of our outside garage/shed I broke down some. I know you must be thinking.... um christmas stuff made you cry? Well Kyle's Jeep is parked in that garage so when I saw it my heart raced some because usually when I see it, it means Kyle is here. I just stood next to it and stared inside the window and just cried. It's really hard to look at it and not have Kyle there next to me.

Sunday my little sister, her friend, and I went to go see the Valentine's day movie. I thought it was really cute and left me a little teary eyed. I was determined to not let Valentine's day make me sad but that movie ruined that determination. I allowed it to screw with my head which caused Kyle and I to get into a stupid fight because I was being needy. We worked through it and by the end of the night everything was fine. I hate when I do that... I'm definitely getting better but I guess sometimes I have my moments.

Just yesterday me and the other 3 girls signed the lease for the house were renting next year. I am so excited to live off campus with these girls next year! I really think that we're gonna get along so well and have so much fun living together.

As for Kyle... he's been extremely busy with training since they head overseas really soon. I still get my nightly phone call... sometimes at 1am but I don't mind. I'm just happy to hear his voice... it really does make everything better. I leave in 9 days to go visit him, it's all I think about 24/7. I can't even put into words how excited I am. It's going to be the most amazing three days ever :)

BTW once in awhile I hear from my friends that they think I'm always sad because of my blog or my facebook statuses. I just want to set things straight... I'm really not THAT sad. Yes I miss Kyle and I talk about how much I miss him and how I cry about missing him but that doesn't mean it's a constant 24/7 thing. I'm not happy that he's gone but I go on with my life and am getting through it just fine. I don't sit around and just wait for him to come home. If anything I feel like I've become so much stronger because of this. I'm sick of this whole "pity party" and sympathy crap... I couldn't be more proud of Kyle and happy that he gets to do what he loves. If anything, the Army has turned him into the man I love today and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Acceptance

I have still yet to accept that my Grandmother is gone. I haven't even accepted that my Grandpa has passed away and that was more than 2 years ago. I was just so close to both of them... their love for their grandchildren didn't have any limits, they really did love us unconditionally.

Every time I think about my Grandpa I just keep thinking about how badly I wish Kyle could have met him. They both would have gotten along so well and he would have been so happy and proud of me. He wanted nothing more than to see me be happy. I see a lot of my Grandpa in Kyle... I know it may sound weird but he reminds me a lot of him. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I feel so comfortable around him.

As for my Grandmother... there were so many things I still wanted to talk to her about. She understood what I was going through with Kyle's deployment and gave me some of the best advice I have ever heard. She knew how much I really do love Kyle and how amazing of a guy he is. I have a lot of pent up anger inside of me because I never got a chance to say goodbye to her. Everyone got to visit her in the hospital after her surgery while I was stuck at school. If I knew this was going to happen I would have been home in a heartbeat. I know I can't be angry at myself but I feel like I deserved that last goodbye. That women was a true inspiration to all of us... I'm going to miss her more than I can ever describe. I've never accept that either of them are gone... but I know they're looking over all of us and smiling down at us. Love you Grammy and Grampy